You just got through crushing candy. You did some fine crushing. The candy didn’t stand a chance. Then you pulled up your favorite news site and saw something that evoked shock and awe. A voice in your head screamed “I MUST SHARE THIS WITH THE WORLD!” First, please take a step back. Better yet, sit down. I have something to share with you that may sting a bit. Ready? Sitting down?

We all have access to the same interwebs. Not kidding. Let that sink in for a sec.

You know in your heart that you are the first person to discover on Yahoo News that a celebrity died or a rich English baby had his picture made (didn’t we win a war so that we couldn’t have to give a flying crumpet about that family?), or a natural disaster happened. Sorry. You aren’t. “But, Mike D,” you say, “No one has shared this yet.” Good eye. And don’t worry. The posts are coming. There are a lot of people who feel they must share every “newsworthy” event they discover online with their friends. Take pride that you have at least a few virtual friends who understand they don’t. And weep for those who get their news from social media. Continue reading →

Plus, most people who post things like this can’t figure out “you’re”

If you see something on The FB that says “like and share this if” there is one socially acceptable option: don’t. Why? First of all, because you are clogging up everyone’s feed with unoriginal content. We all joined this social network so that we could keep up with how many cups of coffee you had or to find out whether or not your kid pooped today. We really don’t give a crap about the other stuff. Secondly, (secondly?…did I just type “secondly”?…I really need a thesaurus) if you have to tell your child you love them by sharing a post that says “if you have a daughter you love, share this” then you should probably spend more time with your kid and less on the computer.

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